|
|
This page
contains a list of traditions and rituals you may want to
incorporate.
You may also wish to refer to wedding traditions and histories
and Random Recommendations. |
|
A
Special Recognition of the Mothers:
Early in the ceremony, to set a loving tone, you may give the gift
of one pink long-stemmed rose to each other’s mother. In the
Victorian Language of Flowers, you will be expressing your joy that
you are being married, as well as your gratitude that your families
are joining, as well. Moms love this one! |
Photo Courtesy of Ken Sykes
Photos
O'Henry Hotel, Greensboro, NC |
|
|
Photo Courtesy of BG Photography
Crystal Garden, Jamestown, NC
Click here for Slideshow
|
The Unity Candle:
In this classic tradition, the mothers of the bride and the groom,
as they are being seated before the ceremony begins, come up to the
front and each light a taper candle on either side of the center
Unity candle, which is usually a pillar candle.
These separate candles represent the bride’s and groom’s separate
lives, families and friends before their marriage.
At the given time in the wedding ceremony, the bride and the groom
take the candle that was lit by the mother of each and, together,
light the larger candle in the center.
This represents the joining of those previously distinct lives,
families and friends into one. I prefer to keep the two individual
candles lit, rather than extinguish them after the center candle is
lit, because doing so symbolizes that both the bride and groom
continue to be individuals, even though they are now joined as one
in marriage. |
|
Colored
stones or sand instead of candle flames:
In this variation on The Unity Candle ceremony, the couple chooses a
glass bowl or vase that they'd like to have in their home. Each
person involved, instead of lighting a candle, pours colored marbles
into the glass vase--each person has a separate color. When everyone
has poured their colors in, including the bride & groom, I reach in
and swirl the layers of separate colors into one big mosaic--a true
blending of lives into an ongoing, living piece of art.
This variation is especially lovely under three sets of
circumstances:
- involving and honoring grandparents, parents
and/or children of the couple, so that the newlyweds will always
have a tangible keepsake of the loved ones who colored and shaped
who they are as individuals and as a couple
- if the children involved are too young to hold
lighted candles
- if the wedding is outdoors and breezes make
candles impractical
|
Click here for Slideshow
|
One
newly-combined family with five children (plus parents, of course)
chose bud vases holding seven different colors of stones. At the
same moment, everyone poured his or her vase of stones into a large
Art Deco-style vase chosen by the parents. Each family member's
color joins everyone else's color, and yet each keeps its
individuality as well! I then used my hand to mix all the colors
together, and to place a stick of curly bamboo (symbol of joy and
long life) into the rainbow of stones.
When the light hit the glass vase at this outdoor ceremony, the
effect was absolutely dazzling!
This vase now has a permanent place in the family's home, right in
front of a window, so that the colors can truly shine! |
|
|
Click here for Slideshow |
Songs or Readings
by Guests or Family Members:
This presents a lovely way to honor special people in your lives.
You may ask these folks to choose their own readings, or I can
select readings for them that flow particularly well with your
custom-written ceremony, and then give them a copy from which to
read as they stand up front to honor and be honored. |
|
Acknowledging and
Celebrating Your New Family:
I feel that all children who are going to be part of a new,
combined, family should feel as though they had some input into the
decision. Therefore, for children from about age 2 to about ago 20,
I ask if their parent has their blessing to be marrying the new
spouse that day.
With younger children, after they pipe up “Yes!”, I ask them to show
everyone there that they give their blessing by hugging their parent
and then hugging the new step-parent. The children feel included
and important, and that makes them feel great!
For older teenagers and adult
children, if the couple chooses to ask their blessing, they usually
shake the groom’s hand and hug the bride. You’re never too young or
too old to be asked for your approval! |
 |
|
|
Aesthetic Images Photography
Costumes by Tina Cecil - Sew What's Up
Castle McCulloch, Jamestown, NC |
The Victorian Rose
Ceremony:
In the late 1800s in England, the poets created an entire language
of flowers, in which every single flower had a specific meaning (it
wasn’t always romantic–giving someone a chrysanthemum meant you
wished they were no longer on this earth!). In that language, a red
rose had only one meaning: I love you with all my heart.
You exchange single red long-stemmed roses–their first gift to each
other as husband and wife, even before their rings.
I ask you to choose a place in whatever home you have that is
designated solely for red roses. They can be given on anniversaries
as a recommitment of vows, on birthdays and so on... I also remind
you that, realistically, there will be times over the next five or
six decades when it will be hard to find the right words to express
how you feel. When that happens, put a red rose in that special
place. Your spouse will then know that the words have, in fact,
been said. I then will ask you to memorize exactly how you feel–in
your heart, but also in your body-and ask you to take a moment to
memorize that feeling. Because that is exactly the feeling, in both
heart and body, that I want you to be able to bring back every
single time you see a rose in that special spot–next year, or forty
years from now! |
|
You also then have your very first
roses to dry and place in a book, to use the petals for potpourri,
or whatever you wish. |
|
Blessing the rings:
We tend to lose track of the meaning of the wedding ring itself.
Blessing the Rings is a lovely and important rite. I explain the
meaning of wedding rings and the reasons why the rings themselves
are so precious. A blessing is pronounced over the rings before you
slip them onto each other's fingers. Thus the exchange of sacred
objects is, itself, made sacred. |
 |
|
|
The Common Cup:
An exchange of wine or juice is an ancient marriage custom,
symbolizing the sharing of both
the bitter and the sweet. |
The Hand Fasting
Ceremony:
An ancient tradition which binds the couple for as long as they are
on earth, in addition to their eternal spiritual commitment.
|
|
Dove Release:
White Rock Doves choose a
mate, to whom they remain faithful for life.
They share a commitment, and love being home together.
Following the wedding
ceremony, the release of these "love doves" is a perfect way
to begin your life together as husband and wife.
As you exit the ceremony, family and friends can assemble to
watch the splendor of your love and commitment symbolically
take flight on the snow white wings of these doves. The pair
of doves circles in the air and then flies off together,
symbolizing the beginning of your new life together.
|
|
|
 |
Jumping The Broom:
With roots in the African-American community of the United States
during slavery, but used among couples of all races and belief
systems. At the end of the ceremony you both jump over a decorated
broom laid on the ground before you. The straw end represents the
brushing away of all their old cares and worries. The strong
wooden handle represents the strength of your commitment to each
other, and the straight, unconditionally-committed path you will
follow together in marriage. Some say that whoever jumps the highest
will be the boss of the house! |
|
Unity Bowl:
I developed this tradition as a way to honor multiple
generations of the bride‘s and groom’s families, and/or a way to
include any children that the couple may have.
The couple selects a glass bowl they would enjoy having in their new
home. Each grandparent, parent, stepparent, godparent and so on is
given a bud vase filled with a different color of flat colored
marbles, with the separate colors signifying the individuality of
each family member.
The grandparents pour their separate colors into the Unity Bowl as
the foundation of the wedding of the bride and groom. Each set of
parents does the same. After each set of grandparents, parents and
so on have added their marbles to the mix, I stir the colors with my
hand, creating new mosaics each time. |
Photo Courtesy of Rhonda Lentz
Bicentennial Garden, Greensboro, NC
Click here for Slideshow |
 Siblings and other
special friends may be invited to participate, as well. Then the
bride and groom add their two colors, and I mix the Unity Bowl
contents again. If there are children, they add theirs after the
bride and groom, as we are honoring each generation. Ultimately, the
family members are reminded that each of them, in their own way, has
colored the lives of the bride and groom. Therefore, each has
developed specific tastes, goals, morals, choices...and thus the
bride knows she has found her perfect groom, and the groom knows he
has found his perfect bride.
Finally, it is noted that, just as the mosaic has continually
changed, so is change the most dependable constant in the couple’s
married life. They are called on to embrace change, find what can
be learned from each change, and to put their own hands in and stir
up the design in the bowl with every change they encounter.
Thus they get to keep a memento placed in their Unity Bowl by all
the family members and other loved ones who were present at their
wedding–an emotional value that always grows with time–and also a
reminder that change is always beautiful, as long as we keep the
right perspective that we can always learn from change. |
|
Breaking the Glass:
With centuries-old roots in the Jewish community, but used among
couples of all belief systems. The glass is wrapped in fabric and,
at the end of the ceremony, the groom smashes the wrapped glass with
his foot to cries of "Congratulations!" and "Mazel Tov!" Breaking
the glass symbolizes a number of things, among them that the many
shards of the glass stand for the fact that you used to be two
separate beings with separate boundaries, but now that you have
married and broken the glass, you can't tell where one ends and the
other begins! |
Giving Gifts to the Children:
A braided chain–necklace or wristlet, silver or leather–is often
a
most appropriate gift to children of virtually any age, as a token
for them of the day their parent and step-parent exchanged rings. I
like to explain that they’re being given a gift in the form of a
braid because their new family is like a braid–one strand is the
mother, one strand is the father, and the third is the children.
And, just as in a strong braid, in a strong family you cannot tell
where one strand begins and the other ends, because the very
strength of both the marriage and the braid is in the intertwining
of the strands. If is a lovely, and potent, reminder for both boys
and girls.
Of course other gifts can be given, as well. Picture frames to hold
a photo of the new family are often a good choice for children of
all ages, as well. |
|
|
 |
Planting the Seeds
for your Future:
This is used more for weddings that take place in the Spring, but is
actually used all year round.
You each have a fabric pouch filled with soil (vermiculite,
actually) and a sprinkling of seeds mixed together.
We take a beautiful, functional flower pot and have each of you
empty your packet of soil and seeds into the flower pot.
I then mix the two together and water the combined soil and seeds.
You then keep this in your home and watch the plants grow and
flourish as you do! |
|
The Readings I
Include:
I offer a broad range of readings, written by both men and women
over a period of hundreds of years. You can choose from
contemporary, traditional or religious pieces, or any combination of
the above.
Your guests are not just observers; they are participants. Their
very presence as a blessing to your vows. |
 |
|
 |
Combining Three
Waters |
| Even if they hear
readings or see rituals they have never before experienced, they
will feel comfortable because the entire ceremony will be blessed in
Sacred Space. They will feel the Unconditional Love all around them,
and know at the deepest level that they are witnessing something
extraordinary. |
|
